Friday, February 29, 2008


Heathcliff is, at least partially, A DRACULA.

Thursday, February 28, 2008



Heathcliff forces mice to watch cat porn starring Riff Raff's girlfriend.








Hawt.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008



As I embark on the big 20, Peter Gallagher assures me that I'm still tasty.

Thanks, babe.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


There are, literally even, hundreds of Garfield strips about the same fucking thing that are way, way better.

Hundreds. By Jon Davis. Wrap your head around that.

Monday, February 25, 2008


Heathcliff doesn't know metric.

Sunday, February 24, 2008



The 1,000 yard stare is a gift given to war vets and perverted old women.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


The dinner bell: A triangle since 2008 (and still in use, too!).

Friday, February 22, 2008



Heathcliff: One fat motherfucker.
Tailors: Don't have much use for anything other than their arms, neck, and head.
Owner-Lady's Friend: Has been erased.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


Heathcliff's Owner-Man killed the scorekeeper.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008



One shouldn't make pizza dough with Red Bull.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008



Uhh...uhh...uhh...

Can't...speak.

Monday, February 18, 2008



You have to give Spike credit for defending against a Satanic point guard. Heathcliff's even speaking in tongues.

Sunday, February 17, 2008



Heathcliff has been gassed by the Joker, resulting in his insanity and ability to split in two.

Saturday, February 16, 2008



A bunch of cats are looking to beat the shit out of a guy who smokes. They find one. A loser mistakes them for a fan club. Tomorrow, 3 pm, under the garbage can on top of the trash heap. Be there.

Friday, February 15, 2008


Heathcliff is still trying to impress that chick, this time with his gangsta' trough.

Thursday, February 14, 2008



Heathcliff wants to fuck that Marcy-from-Peanuts looking friend of the family. Owner Woman thinks it's cute.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008



And a home decorating problem. I mean, seriously! Look at that wallpaper! And those...well...I don't even know what those things are. Pictures? Cuckoo clocks with the bottom part of their pendulum cut off? Can you say "tacky?" Can somebody get that freakin' cat out of the corner and...call HGTV or something? Hideous!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008



Peter Gallagher decided to commemorate 100 days of partnership via upgrading an old strip.

It still sucks.

Monday, February 11, 2008



Heathcliff is somewhat better than Caligula.

Sunday, February 10, 2008



In the world of Peter Gallagher, all women are ugly, all men have brooms below their noses, and all cats have money and snowboard with flounder. Trapped in a world he didn't create, Paul Rodgers ponders which weapon would be best for bludgeoning Peter until he drew better. And wrote better. And thought of the poor, poor flounder.

Saturday, February 9, 2008



Heathcliff and his bitch are indeed texting each other...on their Cybikos.

Friday, February 8, 2008




I call it; "Artist Who Can't Draw, w/Various Peppers on a Nightstand."

Thursday, February 7, 2008



Recipe For Comedic Failure

1/2 parts replacing dogs with cats.
1/4 parts awful punchline.
1/4 parts current fad (poker).
A pinch of cat wearing spectacles and smoking cigar.

Add to boiling water until limp and lifeless and store in a cool, damp place until you run out of original material.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


That's not a real vet (like they'd have a bag that said "vet"): Heathcliff has died.

He'll be back tomorrow though.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008


Heathcliff tries to play tuba for his extremely meh-looking girlfriend, but the tuba becomes sentient and thinks the notes instead of playing them. A housewife is unimpressed.

Monday, February 4, 2008



I'm not going to expose you all to the original punchline. It was worse than "I hate Monday."

Sunday, February 3, 2008



OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE FUNNIEST FUCKING COMIC STRIP EVER! A BOY AND HIS CAT ARE WATCHING THE SUPER BOWL...AND GET THIS...IT'S BORING! AND THE COMMERCIALS ARE FUNNY! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT? I. CAN. NOT.

Saturday, February 2, 2008



You know how you know a restaurant's good? Four star reviews? No. The Chef has his own TV show where he calls people "fucking donkeys" and forces fat people to run for the choicest cuts of meat? No. You can find their name and face on 100 different things at the store? No. Well how?

When you're walking into the restaurant and you see something being arrested. That's how.

Ohhhhhhh...

Friday, February 1, 2008



lol, wot'd dis den? Heathcliff takes something to the Supreme Court (MARKED BY BLOCK LETTERS), and it's decided that cats are number one.

Honestly, what the fuck am I supposed to say to such a notion?