Thursday, May 22, 2008

Peter Gallagher went to fill up his car today and noticed what all of us have noticed for quite some time: gas prices are way up. He had to spend the entirety of the paycheck he received for this strip on gas and only wound up with 1/4th of a tank, because comicing is only lucrative if your strip doesn't encourage people to set fire to their house via lighting the funny pages on fire.

Enraged, he returned to his loft where, after hours of overturning stools and whiskey bottles and drawing tables, he sat down and thought of a way to act out against this injustice, and then figured that the only way to do it would be to show a random passerby observing the dickishness of his hero. Why not? When life gives oil executives oil, they make a massive profit. When life gives Heathcliff lemons, well, he's gonna do the same motherfucking thing.

1. Obtain lemons
2. Make lemonade
3. ????
4. Profit

There's only a few things wrong with this, I guess, if you want to be lenient. Taking the standard price for lemonade (I wouldn't pay more than 25 cents) and multiplying by 100 isn't gouging, it's retarded. In fact, if somebody were to be selling $25 lemonade, it'd better be either a Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster or a retard really is selling it, and, in the latter case, you'd smile, give him maybe a dollar, he'd smile, give you lemonade, and life would move on.

Besides that, other children could obtain lemons just as easily, if not easier, than a cat could, and they'd probably charge for less. Important-Briefcase-Carrying-Man is hardly pressed to find a better deal on street yellow, he just wants to talk to a cat.

Finally, I'd wager that, despite Heathcliff's ambivalent nature, that the price gouging is not going well. He brought one fucking pitcher of the stuff, and it isn't exactly at a premium. To make matters worse, he's set up shop in a vacant lot. Important, Briefcase Carrying Men only go to vacant lots to obtain sex and...ohhhh...

Heathcliff is selling his body for the low price of $25 (the bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin' (or so I have read)). An Important, Briefcase Carrying Man thinks that $25 is a bit much for a fat, old Tabby cat, lemonade or not, and insults Heathcliff's poor business sense on his way to a powerlunch of hookers and blow.

1 comment:

Mike P said...

Nice Hitchiker's Guide reference.