How can you tell the mark of a professional artist? Birds that are really the letter "m," for one. I mean...I know Heathcliff is in all of 73 newspapers, but m-shaped birds? Really?

Besides that, there are a few things that I'm disappointed in. First is Iggy Nutmeg's imagination. "I think it's a lap." Woah man...you just blew my mind!



I hope that Heathcliff doesn't see it as a lap. Perhaps a cubist expressionist dadaist pre-Raphialite representation of Mrs. Nutmeg's breasts melting onto a spinning turntable as it falls into the third level of Hell. I hope that Heathcliff walks up to Iggy's sandcastle and upends it, or at the very least gives his own critique. "I think it's a cluster of terrible, forked penises, rising from a monolith." That'll show him.

And speaking of Mrs. Nutmeg...must she always wear an apron? She's on a beach! I know you're like...76 or something...but wear a dress or a one piece or even a tankini if you're feeling sexy. You're not cooking. You're not cleaning. To be honest, I've never seen you do a goddamn thing that requires an apron, so stop wearing one! Grow some hands while you're at it, Stumpy. The shark fin is a particularly tasteful accessory.