I'd apologize for not posting much lately, but I've been dealing with strips like this: shit so abysmally unfunny that I can't make light of them. Really. There was a strip where Heathcliff took a Snowman to the cosmetic surgeon after buying a single baby carrot. A SINGLE BABY CARROT. You'd have to be a fucking moron to not see the joke.

I honestly don't even think this one needs explanation. Heathcliff is fat. The doctor is running out of euphemisms!

beefy, big, blimp, brawny, broad, bulging, bulky, bull, burly, butterball, chunky, corpulent, cow, distended, dumpy, elephantine, fleshy, gargantuan, gross, heavy, heavyset, hefty, husky, inflated, jelly-belly, lard, large, meaty, obese, oversize, paunchy, plump, plumpish, ponderous, porcine, portly, potbellied, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, solid, stout, stubby, swollen, thickset, tubby, weighty, whale

So fuck you and your laziness, Gallagher. One Google search. I would pay to see butterball, corpulent, distended, elephantine, paunchy, roly-poly, or rotund in a fucking comic strip, and they're all right up your alley, in that you don't even have to strain your fucking brain to come up with any of them. "Well fuck, Heathcliff, I left my whale scale at my marine veterinarian office!" Boom. Strip over, success = very yes.

Keep your baby carrots away from me. Do something I can make fun of. Stop being mediocre!