Heathcliff somehow got a hold of a sword! For the love of fuck, run!
Or...just give him a bath. Sure, he's dressed as an admiral of the British Navy, and yeah, he may have a cutlass, but the Curse of the Black Flea is a greater threat than any presented by Captain Heathcliff Catbeard. In his washtub boat and with his first mate Mr. Bow Tied Owner Guy, Heathcliff is ready to referance any summer blockbuster involving pirates...in December.
SERIOUSLY, HE HAS A FUCKING SWORD!!!!!! A SWORD!! WHY ISN'T THE NEIGHBOR FUCKING CONCERNED FOR HIS FUCKING SAFETY??